moving forward.

It has been quite the trial some time for us in the Nolan household, but things are starting to calm down, I feel that I am coming back to normal with the inside of my body with this prolactin tumor, I feel that the meds are working thank God cause I couldn’t go on another day with man moody pms thing any longer. I have to tell you this whole no testosterone thing can really mess a man up! You start thinking thoughts that you would of never dreamed of thinking or some actions that you do, that you yourself know that is not normal. But, we are wining! I was thinking the other day about all of this situation of family, tumor & money and just wondering on when the ride is going to end, I would feel totally alone in some cases, I would even wonder if God was even beside me at times cause I couldn’t feel him near me at all, secretly discourage from all of this stuff going on. I would tell my wife when I would wake up some days & tell her I can’t wait to go back to bed so that I can quit thinking about it, or the tears that I would cry in secret in my truck gong from one job to the next because my heart was heavy from bad news for weeks, and it seemed like their was no end & also wondering if this was my lot in life of being a poor hardworking person that knows how to hook up and to produce and to make it happen. But you know for any man they will hit a wall, I guess that you could say a clarity for some or a midlife crisis for others where they are to young to be labeled as old or to old to be labeled as young, a cross road of life to the point to where men crack cause some has worked so hard to achieve and at times they don’t achieve it and they become tired and weary of this consistent fight of business, or life or whatever they are facing, but all I can really say is look up! Look up and make up your mind, that’s what I have been having to do, is to encourage myself (and lets not forget about my wife by my side either) because that is all what you can do, find things that encourage you, for me I would tell myself that it’s almost over, or we will win, or how can I be a minister to someone if I myself haven’t been through it, ect, ect, ect. That is what King David had to do, the same thing that the prodigal Son had to do when he was in the pen with the pigs eating what they ate (gross) but they both made up their minds to move forward and to beat whatever needs to be beaten, so I tell you look Up, make up your mind and move forward! Because you will win! And with my wife & I we will be able to look back on this & laugh and to say look what the LORD has done! He brought us through, even though we couldn’t feel him at times, he was always by our side!

It's gonna be ok.

Sorry it's been awhile, a lot has been going on since the last time I wrote, from money to my health. So first thing.. Business, within the past few years the painting industry has been harder & harder to work, between this crazy weather and with more people out of jobs, the market of any kind of labor, from painting houses to cutting grass is flooded with people that are hungry for work. It is what it is, we will just keep moving forward and later we will make the decision to close or ride it out a little longer. Now the next thing is my health I have learned that I have a pituitary tumor.. it's at 2.7cm about the size of a pretty good size thumb the crazy thing about this pituitary it controls everything from testosterone to hormones to mood changes to reproduction to eyesight.. a lot of stuff. You know, I can handle allot of things but this kind of news just about knocked me to my knees! It's scary!! Cause it's your brain, I'm thinking so differently than what I used to. Like with family, whats more important for my wife & daughter a ton of cash cause papa worked crazy hard, or no papa cause he worked crazy hard & died cause, he didn't take care of himself because he refused to go to the doctor to do a once a year checkup, which what's a few hours a year to live longer, I'm just sayin.. As far as what I am most grateful for is for my wife, my lovely bride of nine years today, she has really been beside me during all of this mess, and moving when I move, what I mean by that is when two people are on a bike your great on the straightaways, but when it comes to the curves people struggle cause one person wants to lean one way and another wants to lean another, but, during this crazy amounts of pressure to perform in business to make money & now this whole tumor thing, my wife has really been going trough this turn with me and leaning with me in this turn. But, the Lord is with us and walking with us, even though I may not feel that he is because the daily bad news (so it seems) that we been getting from phone calls, emails, and letters BUT GOD is with us & we can & shall recover from all of this, and because of this we will be able to minister to others because of my testimony. Well let me rephrase our testimony from my wife's own feelings to mine. We will make it cause I said so and If I cannot still give my wife the ultimate desire of a child after this operation that will be fine too.. We at least have a daughter together & some children here in the states need families that we are willing to take them in as their own, cause really we are all adopted sons & daughters in the kingdom. So it is well.. It is well with my soul.

Artificial Faith

So the other night my wife Aimee & I were talking about faith, just faith, just plain straight up faith. Faith in God faith in each other, ect..ect..ect.. But when I really started to chew on it, I believe that a lot of people no longer have faith, because of disappointment's in their life by the whole name it & claim it, which in turn it probably never comes, because, it's just so crazy of what we believe for, or the whole if you live your life "right" good things will happen. Those messages really cheese me off because there are people who do live their life right & they are just going through the fire of life, losing their jobs, families, homes, ect.. People then get disappointed, then ask God I did every thing right & how come this situation still happen to us, why did I lose my house, my job or my family. Now just to let you know that I am all for wealth & for having a good & healthy life, to have the ability to create jobs, to be a blessing, to write checks to churches that have a vision to help people, but in overall thinking about this I wonder if we look to God as a sugar daddy instead of Lord. God... If you scratch my back I will scratch yours.. I know that I shouldn't of bought this house that I couldn't afford, but I thought you want me to have these things? You know God does but it's all in timing of when, when we learned how to handle & to manage of what we already have, because then He will trust us with much more.

Today.

Wow!! I have a blog, which I am truly excited about I guess it's like a journal but people can read it and it will help me with my typing :) Anyway, our life has been interesting, Between the business and my wife not becoming pregnant because, I no longer create testosterone, life for us has been interesting. What comes to me in all of this is that God has something great in store for us
because if you really think about it, how can we minister to people that are hurting if do not go through it ourselves, didn't Jesus sit where the people sat themselves and have compassion for them? I know that He did.. Looking at this whole situation of our life & the struggles makes me very excited for ministry of some sort.. You know Aimee & I have a huge heart to see couples to become successful in their marriages, from money to communication, but I also have a heart for men to pull through for their families when especially when thing get hard, to many men throw in the towel when it gets hard, I know that a major part of those decisions is disappointment, they no longer have an adventure to live for except for paying the car note, bills & a mortgage, the light goes out in their eyes & the dream that they once had dies in their heart and they feel that they have nothing left.. & really a majority of that fault is religion to make men become more sensitive and it's killing them.. Jesus had a huge balance of being kind but to also the ability to fight back & to win, & as men that is what we need to do when things get hard we need to fight back!! I feel a preacher coming out of me!! I kinda like it.